Live-Blogging Eurovision. Y’know, ‘cos we can #4

I’m handing over to the gorgeous Amy J now. Enjoy her witty commentary. I’ll be drinking Cava if you need me.

France – Jessy Matador, Alle Ole Ole

Hurray for the first black guy!

Campness – 4. What is with the hip thrust dance? And the arse – shake that thaaaang!

Costume – 2. Boring, could try harder

Lyrics – 3Like the French. Easy to follow the chorus

Performance – 5. Decent Dance. daniel dancing! African French!? Flips! what more could you want?! Oh and get that crowd involved!!

Singing – 4They sort of gave up and hummed? Catchy nonetheless

Romania – Paula Selling and Ovi

My immediate reaction is what is that guy tapping his chest in an uber macho way?

Campness – 4. Leather. And Fire. Kinky…

Costume – 3. The leather is loved by Amy Liz

Lyrics – 3. Ok, average. I heard fire.

Performance – 4. Love the double ended piano, Same shop as previous neon violin?

Singing – 4. The ‘ahahaha’ reminds me of something. Nice little piano back tune. Did not expect that voice to come from the guy. Wow, she’s high.

Russia – Lost and Forgotten (We missed the name of the artist. It said and Friends?)

Norton says like it or loathe it. Drinking song you say? Well we have cava!

Campness – 4. Falling glitter

Costume – 2. Tramp chic with the scarf. Beard is too tidy against it.

Lyrics – What?

Performance – 3. Static. I think they were hoping the falling glitter would save them. And it’s very David Brent looking longingly at the picture of the girl. and our wind machine is back. Glitter is reminiscent of the motherland I guess!

“…but none of them was you” – Free Love Freeway on the Office

I received a text during this saying “In Russia does ‘photo’ mean ‘sketch done in Biro’?” It made me LOL.

Singing – 3. Operatic!

Armenia – Eva Rivas – Apricot Stone

Campness – 3.The innuendo certainly deserves camp points?

Costume – 4. We can be sure the cameraperson’s a guy cos of the boob close ups. Or a lesbian? not that you can miss them. They certainly went with the obvious matching the clothing colour with the song.

Lyrics – 5. Your ‘cherished fruit’ Are you speaking of those huge breasts?

Performance – 3.5. The dancer’s pretty hilarious. Crappy stone. Flicking her RIDICULOUSLY long hair, show off bitch.

Singing -3.5  Amy R: One of the background singers is clearly her mother. her really. fat. mother.

Germany – Lena – Satellite

Campness – 0.

Costume – 2.Scary goth girl. But she smiles!

Lyrics – 4. Not sure. She said Woo though, I liked it.

Performance – 3. Goth but mediterranean goth? She is a goth, german Avril Lavigne. See through floor points. background dancers hotter than her, hence hidden in mist.

Singing – 4. The tune’s brilliant, we’re bopping. Singing’s not great though. Accent is perhaps giving it pizzazz. She sings like Kate Nash!

Portugal – Filipa Azevedo

Campness – 2. The dress is showbiz

Costume – 3.5 I’m guessing she got engaged, but called the wedding off and needed to do something with the wedding dress.

Lyrics – I don’t understand what I assume is Portugeuse.

Performance – 3.5. Leona Lewis style boredom, which they tried to fix with a heavy drum breakdown into the verse.

Evidently wanted sex with the camera. Wind machine is back once again!

Singing – 3.5/4. Mariah style vocals

Israel – Harei Skaat –Milim

Campness – 0.

Costume – 1. Israeli Joe McElderry

Lyrics – ?. I wasn’t aware humans could make that throaty noise.

Performance – 2. Powerful you say Norton? It’s got a spotlight. So relying on the fact that his ‘character’ plays to the audience. Fraid he doesn’t have any.

Singing – 4.5. Not too bad.

The major problem with this is that he’s not European.

Denmark – Chanee & N’evergreen – A Moment Like This

Campness – 2. A little, the hair mainly

Costume – 4. We like the jacket, but the look is creepy. The guy looks like Julian Rhind Tutt, from Green Wing. I like the dress. Mismatched

Lyrics – 3. It’s familiar, not sure if they’re that good.

Performance – 3. Dramatic. Not in a good way. Bit creepy with the shadow thing.

Singing – 4. I’m not sure what’s with that accent. And a keychange! Beautiful.

Bets those two get it on later, if they’re not already.

Spain….

No change, they still have their weird clockwork dancers and Hucknall-a-like. We’ve been informed their original performance was ruined by an audience member crashiing the stage. I’ll be honest, I thought that was part of their act.

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